On Choosing a Husband

The big question! “How do I know if a man is right or will make a good husband”.

This is far from a comprehensive list of questions to ask yourself. In fact it is just a small tool with which to begin. There are no guarantees in life, however asking yourself a few questions can help narrow down your choices. Prior to any marriage you should seek godly council and study. It is much easier to choose wisely and invest in your relationship with each other and the Lord than it is to “fix” a problem marriage. Being equally yoked goes beyond just a belief in God and into how that plays out in each of your lives. If you read through Ephesians 5 you will see how to be imitators of God for each of us and then some specific roles for marriage. I encourage you to read through this in several versions. This is an often misinterpreted section of scripture in my opinion so read it with an open heart and let the Holy Spirit speak to you as you see the love and respect towards all interwoven. The place to begin in questioning who to marry is “Am I the woman of God I need to be to partner with a man of God and together bring glory to God!

The measure of a man:

Does he love God with all of his heart, soul and mind? First and foremost, even before me? Does he understand God’s order of priority - Personal relationship with God, then wife, then children, then ministry/work?

Does he believe that the Bible is the infallible Word of God and has the answers for every situation?
Will he love me as Christ loved the church, being willing to lay down his very life, not only willing to die for me but also to live for me?

Will he honor and cherish me?

Can he provide physical, emotional and spiritual support for me? Is he a hard worker? Is sensitive to my needs? Is he a good spiritual leader? Can I follow his example?

Will he partner with me in every aspect of our lives or would he rather dominate or exclude me?
Does he believe in me? Always looking for the best and giving grace for the flaws. (We all have them!)

Does he make me want to be better in every area of my life? Is he continually bettering himself? Does he honor who I am and what I feel is important?

Is he encouraging and supportive of God’s call in my life? Do our calls clash or compliment? Do his gifts, talents and abilities complement my own, bringing strength where I am weak and do my gifts, talents and abilities do the same for him?

Dating is the time a man “puts his best foot forward”. Please don’t stay with him thinking things will get better when…this is his best!

How does he treat his mother, his female friends, and the other women in his life? How does his father treat his mother? How do his friends treat women? How does his pastor treat his wife and other women?

Would I want my daughter to marry a man just like him?

What are his views of roles within marriage and family?

Do I support God’s call in his life? Am I excited about working together for the Lord no matter what our calls or responsibilities?

Does he pursue me? Sacrifice for me? Put me first?

Do we have common goals and interests? Do our differences complement each other?

How does he interact with children?

How does he feel about physical beauty? Does he make fun of those who don’t measure up in his eyes? If my looks change will he always find me beautiful? Does he think my mom is beautiful? (You’ll probably end up looking like her to some extent!)

Is he trustworthy?

Do I respect him?

Does he speak highly of me or put me down?

Is he encouraged by my strength or threatened by it?

If his past is filled with bad lifestyle choices, has he repented, been made new, and learned healthy life and relationship skills? Does his life show fruit of his relationship with the Lord? If he comes from a bad background, past, family, etc. has he broken the cycle through the Lord’s help? Has he ever hit a woman or child? How does he deal with his anger?

Do I feel safe with him?

Do the couples in my life with stable, happy, godly marriages think we are a good match?

Do I love his family and/or church family?

Does he adore me?

Is there doubt that he loves me as much as I love him?

Do I see myself growing old with him?

Do we have fun together?

Do I feel that he is my only option?

If everyone else abandoned me would he stand by my side?

Is he teachable by God and wise council?

So what do you do when you “feel” love for someone and they would not make a good husband? Love is a choice as well as a feeling. It is an action word. You must actively love someone in word and deed. You can choose to love another. The sooner you the break off a bad relationship the better. Once you are married, God says marriage is till death do you part and since he also lists murder as sin you are best to choose wisely before you marry. The best cure is prevention! Determine in your heart who is even suitable to consider before getting involved. If you are already involved, a bad break-up is much better than a bad marriage!
You are a woman created in God’s image. He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! He calls you His daughter. That makes you His princess. Marry a man who will honor the King through his care of the princess. Don’t settle for less than the godly man who will bring you joy and contentment throughout your lives together. Marriage is difficult under the best of circumstances – it involves two selfish sinners trying to live unselfishly with each other.
Respect is so lacking in our society. God tells us as wives to “see that we respect our husbands”. This is critical to helping men stay healthy. You want respect to come easily. If you have to grasp at how you can show respect your life will be even more difficult. Marry a man who is respected by you and those around you. Marry a man of integrity.

I love being married because I love and respect my husband. He is a man of integrity whom I can trust. He makes me believe that I am the most beautiful woman, the best mother and greatest thing that ever happened to him aside from Jesus. I wish you a life full of building wonderful memories with an incredible man as I have.

Choose wisely, honor God, and seek godly council.

If you remember nothing else remember this! Be careful whom you marry – it’s better to be single wishing you were married than married wishing you were single.

Marriage is wonderful when it is God ordained, God submitted and God glorifying. I love my husband. He is my support, my partner, my lover and my best friend! I chose wisely. I pray that you will as well.

Barefoot, Blessed & Happily Married!
Dianne Lombardo